👥 Helping Neurotypical Children Understand Their SEMH Peers

Teaching Neurotypical Children About SEMH: Simple Strategies to Build Empathy, Inclusion, and Emotional Understanding in Mainstream Classrooms

👋 Welcome to SEMH Education!

Every week, I share insights, strategies, and tips from my experience working with children and professionals on social, emotional, and mental health (SEMH) in education. This week, we’re exploring how you can explain what SEMH actually means to all children.

Understandably, some children might think others have preferential treatment. Why do some have a fidget toy and some don’t? How come some children have more breaks than others? Why is it okay for some children to shout but for others it’s not? I’ve had all these questions and more whilst teaching in mainstream settings. This post will help you unpick those questions and answer them in a child-friendly way!

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🌪️ Why Explaining SEMH Matters

While schools are increasingly aware of the need to support SEMH, peer understanding often lags behind. And yet, peers can be some of the most powerful allies!

Children with SEMH needs may already feel isolated, misunderstood, or even feared by others.

A lack of peer awareness can lead to exclusion, bullying, and widening social gaps. But with some carefully chosen tools, we can equip neurotypical children with the insight to respond with kindness instead of confusion.

In this post, I’m going to outline some simple and effective ways you can talk to the whole class, year group and/or school about SEMH. Developing all children’s understanding in a child-friendly way.

If you have any other examples of how your setting has done this, let me know!

🧠 The ‘Blowing Your Lid’ Model: A Simple, Powerful Starting Point

I’m sure most of you have seen an image of this model. I’ve mentioned it in a previous post here. It is one of the most accessible ways I’ve found to help children understand emotional dysregulation.

The model is from Dr. Dan Siegel’s and it’s called the“hand model of the brain”, or as "blowing your lid."

Here’s how you can explain it in the classroom:

🖐️ Hold up your hand up with your fingers apart:

• Your thumb is the amygdala. The emotional part of the brain. Put this down so you only have 4 fingers showing.

• Your fingers folded over it represent the prefrontal cortex. The part that helps you think, make good choices, and stay calm.

• When you're calm, your brain is like a fist, your thinking brain and feeling brain are working together.

• But if something stressful happens: too much noise, frustration, confusion, the fingers fly up. That’s “blowing your lid.” Your thinking brain temporarily shuts off, and the emotional brain takes over.

This model helps neurotypical children understand that emotional outbursts aren’t about "being naughty", they’re about a brain reacting to stress in a very human way.

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There’s a link to Dr. Dan Siegel explaining it to parents & professionals here. I wouldn’t share this with younger children as it’s quite a long (7 minutes) and complex video.

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You can link this to the concept of emotional regulation and explain that for some children, especially those with SEMH needs, this reaction might happen more easily or more often.

🗣️ Scripts and Language for Classroom Conversations

If a child has witnessed another child in crisis, and can’t understand what happened, sometimes, all you need is a short script to explain to them what the other child has just gone through.

To introduce SEMH in a peer-friendly, inclusive way, try language like this:

“In our class, we all have different strengths and challenges. Some people find reading tricky. Others might get overwhelmed more easily when it’s too noisy, warm or quiet. They might need a safe space to calm down. That’s part of their brain’s way of reacting to stress, just like we all have different reactions when we’re scared, angry, or upset.”

Or:

“You might see someone leave the classroom or get upset suddenly. That doesn’t mean they’re trying to be disruptive or mean they don’t like you. It might mean their brain has flipped its lid, and they’re doing the right thing by using a strategy to calm down.”

Where possible, avoid diagnostic labels (including SEMH) or specific names unless the child has chosen to share that information. Labelling children to others can have negative connotations. The focus here is to keep the language simple and explain that all of our brains are different and work in different ways.

🏫 Assembly or PSHE Activity Ideas

Below are a few tried-and-tested (by yours truly) activities that work well in mainstream settings:

1. The ‘Brain in Your Hand’ Activity

• Teach children the hand model and let them practice explaining it in pairs.

• Reflect together: “What helps you when you feel like you’re about to blow your lid?”

2. ‘What You Don’t See’ Exercise

• Show two scenarios: one where a child is disruptive, and one where a child is withdrawn.

• Ask: “What might be going on inside for them? What might help?”

This builds emotional literacy and challenges assumptions.

3. SEMH Social Stories and Scenarios

• Share anonymised, fictionalised stories based on real challenges (without identifiers).

• Invite pupils to act them out or draw possible solutions.

• Reinforce themes of support, regulation, and non-judgment.

⚖️ Confidentiality and Safeguarding

Always keep these principles in mind:

• Never single out or describe the specific needs of any named child.

• Frame your message in universal terms, “some children might…” or “you may notice that sometimes…”

• Keep the focus on empathy and kindness rather than ‘fixing’ or ‘helping’ others.

This is in line with DfE guidance on safeguarding and information sharing: staff must protect individual privacy while promoting inclusion and understanding.

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📘 Linking to Policy and Inclusion Duties

This work isn’t just nice-to-have, it’s grounded in legal and ethical duty. The SEND Code of Practice (2015) calls for schools to promote participation and reduce barriers to learning. Under the Equality Act (2010), children with SEMH difficulties may meet the definition of disability and are therefore protected from discrimination.

You can also link this to your whole-school approach to behaviour (DfE 2022), making sure your behaviour policy values understanding over punishment and gives space for pupils to develop empathy as part of their social development.

💡 Final Takeaway: Start Small, Speak Simply, Stay Safe

When we help children understand their peers with SEMH needs, we change the classroom culture. We replace judgment with curiosity. We model compassion.

Start with the brain-in-the-hand. Speak simply. Respect confidentiality. And trust that inclusion isn’t about explaining everything, it’s about making space for everyone.

Going to have this conversation with the children in your setting? Let me know in the comments!

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